Waiting For You
by Julie Anna Tennant
Summary: What if Sirius always loved Lily? These are some of his feelings about her, through the years. Song-fic. Translation of my "I'll Always Be Waiting For You". R


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything here, the credit goes entirely to J. K. Rowling and Warner. And I don't intend to gain anything with this story either. This is just for fun.**

**A/N: **Please, be kind to me, English is not my native language, so this story may have some mistakes, sorry. :)

**- xXxXx -**

**Waiting For You**

_by Mrs. Depp Lerman_

He Always knew it was Wong, but what can we do when our heart starts beating fasters for someone it shouldn't?

_**So I look in your direction**_

_**But you pay me no attention, do you?**_

_**I know you don't listen to me**_

'_**Cause you say you see straight through me, don't you?**_

But worse than love the wrong person, is love the worng person knowing that you'll never be with her. And when the wrong person is you best friend's girlfriend (the guy who is almost your brother), things get even more complicated. But who said love is a simple quest? There is no such thing as easy love and his case would not be different. He knew she'd never look at him as anything but a friend and, to be honest, he couldn't judge her for that; who on Earth would waste their time with some spoiled douchebag like Sirius Black, when your boyfriend is no one but the great James Potter?

_**But on and on  
From the moment I wake  
To the moment I sleep  
I'll be there by your side  
Just you try and stop me  
I'll be waiting in the line  
Just to see if you care**_

It was not in Sirius plans to fall in love with Lily. To say the truth, he didn't even like her the time they met. He remembered his fifth year, when James told him he was dating that Evans girl. He remembered telling his friend he was nuts for falling for some know-it-all like her. But it was a long time ago, at a time when everything was easier and he didn't have to pay attention not to say the wrong thing or hide things from his best friend. A time, when he did not have inappropriate feelings for the wrong girl and, specially, he didn't spend most of his nights awake thinking about her.

_**Did you want me to change?**_

_**Well I've changed for good**_

_**And I want you to know**_

_**That you'll always get your way**_

_**I wanted to say…**_

It was only in his sixth year he stopped being stubborn and agreed on knowing her better, after James begged him countless times. Maybe this was the worst mistake of his life. As he started spending time with Lily, Sirius saw how unfair his judgment about her was. Lily was so kind and selfless, that she would never hurt the smallest of beings. And yet, she showed such force when it was necessary and had to fight for what she thought was right.

Without noticing, an enormous affection grew between them and, soon, Sirius and Lily became very good friends, to James happiness.

_**Don't you shiver, don't you shiver**_

_**Singing loud and clear**_

_**I'll be always be waiting for you**_

Not so long after that, his feelings for her changed into something stronger than a simple friendship. It was too late when he noticed what was happening, by that time, Sirius already envied his friend and wished to be in his place. No, he never felt proud about it, but he couldn't help it, that feeling was already out of control.

_**So you know how much I need you**_

_**But you never even see me, do you?**_

_**And is this my final chance of getting you?**_

That was the big fight at seventh year, when Lily and James broke up and Sirius ended up comforting the girl he wanted for himself. There, on that moment, he wanted to end with all of the torment his love for her had turned into, he considered telling her everything, even knowing that she didn't feel the same. But tell Lily that he loved her, was like stick a knife into James' back, and he would never betray his friend. He preferred spending the rest of his life suffering 'cause of a broken heart, than losing his best friend. So Sirius kept his secret and just told Lily that everything would be alright and, soon, James and she would be together again.

At the end, indeed, they got together again (and Sirius never hated so much being right).

_**But on and on**_

_**From the moment I wake**_

_**To the moment I sleep**_

_**I'll be there by your side**_

_**Just you try and stop me**_

_**I'll be waiting in the line**_

_**Just to see if you care**_

After they finished school, he thought that was a good time to try to forget her. They wouldn't see each other every day and, maybe, the distance was what he needed to get her out of his mind. But, of course, he was wrong. When Lily was not around, Sirius felt such a pain in his chest that, he would always make up an excuse and went to see Evans. Yes, he knew this action was stupid and, every time he came home (after another visit to Lily's), he promised it was the last time, that his visits to her house were done and he would keep the distance and forget her.

Of course these promises were never kept. When the pain in his chest started to show again, he would make another excuse (he was damn good at making it) and show up at her house. And yet, Sirius needed his promises, 'cause they helped him not to feel guilty for loving his best friend's girlfriend.

_**Did you want me to change?**_

_**Well I've changed for good**_

_**And I want you to know**_

_**That you'll Always get your way**_

_**I wanted to say...**_

Things got worse when James and Lily announced they were getting married and Potter asked him to be his best man. How could he say no, without making people suspicious? It was impossible! Not to disappoint his friends, he said yes without a second thought. But the consequences of his answer came very fast. As their wedding was coming closer (_her_ wedding was coming closer), Sirius mood were getting worse every day and getting drunk with Fire Whiskey was the only way he found to release his increasing unhappiness. Of course, everybody started to worry about Sirius; He's never been a saint, but getting drunk every single day was not like him either.

James was the first one who came to him and asked what's going on, but it didn't work much; how would Sirius tell his best friend that he was in love with Lily? There was no way in hell he would do that. When James failed in getting answers from Sirius, it was Lily's turn to try; But if he hadn't told James, he wouldn't tell her either.

Remus was the last one who tried and, to him, Sirius told everything. He told everything he had been hiding for so long, about his feelings for Lily e how he felt the worst of men for loving his best friend's girlfriend. It was not an easy task telling that out loud, but the alcohol helped a lot. Lupin felt sorry for his friend and promised not to tell anyone, but only if Sirius promised he would at least try to get over her. The young Black accepted the deal, even knowing that that was just another promise he was not going to keep.

_**Don't you shiver, don't you shiver**_

_**Singing loud and clear**_

_**I'll Always be waiting for you**_

On the day of their wedding, Sirius played his role as the joyous best man perfectly. He had not drank a single drop of Fire Whiskey (not to disrespect his friends) and everyone who watched the whole ceremony, and saw him next to James on the altar, would never imagine how miserable he truly was at that moment.

When Lily showed up, wearing her white dress, Sirius was sure that he had never seen women prettier than her. She was absolutely stunning, and Sirius never wished so much to be in his friend's place. But he knew this wish would never become true, he wasn't born to have the love of such a perfect woman like Evans (and sometimes he thought that he wasn't born to have the love of any woman).

And when his friends said "I do", Sirius felt the urge to run away and cry, get away for that painful situation. But he stood still in his place, playing his role greatly, smiling and showing a joy he wasn't feeling.

_**And it's you I see, but you don't see me**_

_**And it's you I hear, so loud and so clear**_

_**I sing it loud and clear**_

_**And I'll Always be waiting for you**_

A few weeks after his friend's wedding, Sirius moved from England. He needed some time for himself, to get over his one-sided love. He would only get more pain if he stayed around, watching his friends' endless happiness and leaving was the only solution he found.

It was a shock for everybody when they found out about Sirius decision and, obviously, they started asking questions. He gave vague answers to his friends; Remus was the only one who knew the real reason he was leaving for and was always helping Sirius making excuses.

He moved into France, where nobody knew him and far away from _her. _He chose Paris as the place to restart and it was not a choice made without thinking. Everybody always told him that you can only get over someone with another someone, and in a city known as City of Love, his chances of finding a new love were bigger. Sirius decided that he would only come back home after he was over Lily; and if he couldn't forget her, than he would come back when he felt in peace with his feelings.

But Sirius hardly kept promises he made, and that was another one he broke. Less than a year after moving to France, he was back to England. This time, not 'cause of a wedding, but 'cause he was going to be a godfather; Lily was pregnant.

_**So I look in your direction**_

_**But you pay me no attention**_

_**And you know how much I need you**_

_**But you never even see me**_

Until the day Harry was born, Sirius never thought he could love someone as much as he already loved that little baby, who was sleeping soundly in his mommy's arms. James was out, taking care of something 'bout Lily staying in the hospital, while Sirius stayed with her at the infirmary. She lulled the baby, completely unaware of the man observing the two of them in awe.

"Can you put him in the crib, Sirius?" the redhead asked, taking care not to wake up her son.

He nodded and, carefully, took Harry from her arms and put him in the small crib next to her bed. It was incredible how alike James and Harry looked, the kid was literally a mini-James, besides the eyes, of course, these were just like Lily's.

"He's exactly like James" Lily said, looking at her son.

"But he has your eyes" Sirius told her.

The woman took his hand and squeezed it lightly. She smiled, her eyes filled with tears.

"Thanks for being here with us, Sirius" she said "For a moment, James and I thought you wouldn't come."

"_Oh, Lily, how could I not come back? You really can't imagine how important you are for me, can you?" _he thought sadly.

"You and James are my best friends, I'd never forgive myself if I didn't come back in such an important moment like this" he said instead, holding her hand and sitting next to her in the bed "and besides, what kind of godfather would I be, if I didn't even know my godson?"

Lily laughed quietly.

"You're right, a godfather must know his godson. But really, James and I were very happy when you said you'd come back. You're very important to us, Sirius, and I'm sure you're gonna be very important to Harry too" she told him softly "You're part of this family and we'll always love you, don't ever forget that."

"_But you're never gonna love me the way I wish you would"_ Was the thought that came to his mind and he almost beat himself for having such a selfish thought. If Lily knew how her words make him feel, she would be more careful when making her choices. But, of course, she would never know about his feelings, 'cause he was damn good at hiding it.

"Of course I'll never forget it" he told her "And I'll always be around, to make sure you guys are safe, especially Harry."

She nodded and laid her head on to the pillow, yawning.

"You should rest, Lily. You must be tired, having babies it's not an easy task" Sirius said, pulling a stand of hair out of her face "Just sleep, I'll be here until James' return."

Lily closed her eyes, gratefully, and rested her hand on his once more.

"Thank you, Sirius" she said, almost asleep "You're a very good friend"

His eyes filled with tears, but he refused to let them fall. The man kissed his friend on the forehead and sat on the chair next to her bed, observing her and Harry sleep quietly. _Friend_. That was all he would ever be for her, no matter how hard he wanted other way.

And there, on that infirmary, while he watched the woman he loved sleep next to her son (his new born godson), Sirius accepted the fact that Lily was beyond his reach. If someday he had any chance to win her heart, this chance did not exist anymore and it was worthless keep torturing himself 'cause of it. Some people are not good enough to have the love of a woman like Lily, and Sirius realized he was one of this people. But still, he needed her around to feel complete, even if only as friend. And more, he could never run away again, not after meeting that little boy, who was sleeping next to his mother.

Sirius would always be around, taking care of those two the best he could, making sure nothing bad happened to them. And he would always love her too, even knowing that she would never love him back; promising to himself that he would forget her, but never being able to actually do it. 'Cause he was Sirius Black after all, and he hardly kept the promises he made.

** D**

**Author's Note**

I know this is not an usual couple, but I really love them. Like I said, English is not my native language, so forgive my mistakes, okay? So guys, that's it. I'd love to hear your opinion about my story. Review if you can. :D


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